You know...I get that there aren't that many eating establishments here in Vicksburg. When I first moved here, I drove all over town looking for a Boston Market. I guess I should have looked in the phone-book first, but what can I say. I never did find one, but I did find the Chexican restaurant in our pseudo-mall.
Chexican...you ask?
Yes...the Chinese restaurant run by a Mexican family. Chexican. Sadly, the food tastes neither Mexican, nor Chinese. It tastes like fluffy nothing. There also used to be a Chinese restaurant over there by Fred's. The one and only time I ventured in there...the special of the day was sweet and sour catfish balls. You know I had to try one.
My mother always taught me that it was impolite to spit food out that others have cooked. Your own nasty concoction, if spat politely...fine. Other peoples...you better choke it down. That day, I did choke down that nasty catfish ball, but vowed that I would be a little more discriminant after that. Sniff first, politely beg off (if possible), or make sure you have lots of liquids available to help wash it down, just in case.
So, the other day, I saw a sign that our local KFC is now serving grilled chicken. Alright!!, I thought. I got in the drive through line, eagerly anticipating my healthy grilled chicken lunch. I was only 4 cars back, which usually equals 25 minutes of waiting time in our little burg. We aren't exactly known for our speediness, which is why I always have a book on hand.
Seventeen minutes later, with no less than 3 cars behind me now, I make it to the intercom.
Bored voice: Welcome to KFC, can I take your order?
Damyankee: Yes, m'am...I would like to order two grilled chicken breasts, please.
KFC: Silence, following by some crackly static.
Damyankee:Pardon??
KFC: Could you repeat your order?
Damyankee:Two Grilled Chicken Breasts. Please. M'am.
KFC: M'am. We don't sell the grilled breasts individually. You have to buy a bucket.
Damyankee:Pardon? (which is Southern for What in the Hell are you talking about???)
KFC: Buck-et. You have to buy a bucket of them.
Damyankee:I don't want a bucket. I just want a couple of them.
KFC: You gotta buy the bucket.
Damyankee: Seriously, I do not want an entire bucket of chicken for lunch. Just a couple of pieces. In fact, just one piece will do. (Ideally, you should never show them how desperate you are)
KFC: M'am, would you just pull up to the window.
Great, now I am in trouble. Unfortunately, I could not pull up to the window anytime soon as there were still 2 cars on front of me. I couldn't back out either, with all of the cars behind me. Ordinarily, I would have just gotten out of line, and avoided the "window of shame", but I was ....stuck...grrr.
I just know I am not getting any chicken now. *sigh*. And even if they do give me some chicken, I bet it will be some "special" grilled chicken...rubbed on God knows what nasty body part of theirs first. (and yes, I was envisioning my bucket-o-chicken being rubbed on the drive-through lady's butt)
So, I get to the window, and I could tell that I have completely pissed her off by trying to order something that is just completely out of the realm of happening in her little fiefdom. Apparently, although they are a CHICKEN place, and DO IN FACT sell grilled chicken, and you can buy individual pieces of chicken that are FRIED (original recipe or extra crispy), GLAZED, or BB-Q'd, you cannot buy anything less an ENTIRE BUCKET of grilled chicken under any circumstances no matter what.
To this I say: Pardon????
So, I went back to work and ate a nasty lean cuisine and stewed. I contemplated writing KFC, but I am sure all that will net me is a couple of free coupons to a restaurant that I am probably no longer welcome at. For whatever reason (that I cannot fathom), people tend to remember me, and that will pretty much guarantee me the "special" rubbed-on chicken. Yay.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I'm shedding!
You know...I think somewhere in my genetic mix, there must be a little bit of Irish-setter. Twice a year...I go though these shedding phases, and everywhere you look, my car, my desk, my bathroom counter and floors you see hair. Honestly, it just grosses me out.
Before I leave for work every morning, I have to roller lint my shoulders nearly all the way down to my waist. Unfortunately, my boobs seems to catch the majority of the hair, and if it weren't for the clothes I am wearing, I would only look one step above Cro-Magnon woman...only with hairy boobs. Groketta. If they ask me to start appearing in those Geico commercials, it's gonna be "on".
It's when I start shedding like this that I think about cutting my hair short again. In fact, several years ago, I did cut it to my shoulders, and it looked cute for all of about 2 days. By Day Three, I dearly missed my ponytail and all I could produce was a sad pathetic looking pony-nub. Despite the fact that I looked ridiculous, I still wore it anyway, and my face, chubby even on my thinnest days, began to resemble that of a chipmunk, preparing for winter. Nice.
[Hmmm...*maybe*...this isn't my best look. ]
So, I immediately began growing it out again. Two years later, it's almost down to my bra-strap, and fairly healthy. With the exception of the profuse shedding. My friend Mitzi suggested that maybe I was "molting". hmmm....shedding just sounds so much better.
At one point, I decided to speak to my doctor about this, wondering if I had some sort of thyroid problem. He assured me that hair loss was normal, and that I had nothing to worry about. Hmmm...REALLY? I mean, I had to call a plumber out to the house to snake the drain in my shower due to all of the hair clogging it up. Is that normal?
Is it normal for my husband to wake up one morning, go to use the bathroom, only to find that one of my long hairs has somehow wrapped itself around his "junk", strangling it to the point of cutting off circulation? AND that it has happened more than once! That's normal? Let me tell you what, both times, although he loves my hair, he has threatened to cut it all off himself if "something wasn't done".
So, I started taking hair and nailhorse-pills vitamins again. After a month of that, the hair loss has slowed down, and my nails (particularly my toenails) are veritable daggers, and very difficult to cut without "heavy duty" clippers. If it gets to the point where I need to trim them using a bench grinder, then I will probably slow down on the horse-pills. Until then...this seems to be helping.
However, if you run into me...and notice that I am covered in hair, just keep it to yourself. Trust me, I get it. :)
Before I leave for work every morning, I have to roller lint my shoulders nearly all the way down to my waist. Unfortunately, my boobs seems to catch the majority of the hair, and if it weren't for the clothes I am wearing, I would only look one step above Cro-Magnon woman...only with hairy boobs. Groketta. If they ask me to start appearing in those Geico commercials, it's gonna be "on".
It's when I start shedding like this that I think about cutting my hair short again. In fact, several years ago, I did cut it to my shoulders, and it looked cute for all of about 2 days. By Day Three, I dearly missed my ponytail and all I could produce was a sad pathetic looking pony-nub. Despite the fact that I looked ridiculous, I still wore it anyway, and my face, chubby even on my thinnest days, began to resemble that of a chipmunk, preparing for winter. Nice.
[Hmmm...*maybe*...this isn't my best look. ]
So, I immediately began growing it out again. Two years later, it's almost down to my bra-strap, and fairly healthy. With the exception of the profuse shedding. My friend Mitzi suggested that maybe I was "molting". hmmm....shedding just sounds so much better.
At one point, I decided to speak to my doctor about this, wondering if I had some sort of thyroid problem. He assured me that hair loss was normal, and that I had nothing to worry about. Hmmm...REALLY? I mean, I had to call a plumber out to the house to snake the drain in my shower due to all of the hair clogging it up. Is that normal?
Is it normal for my husband to wake up one morning, go to use the bathroom, only to find that one of my long hairs has somehow wrapped itself around his "junk", strangling it to the point of cutting off circulation? AND that it has happened more than once! That's normal? Let me tell you what, both times, although he loves my hair, he has threatened to cut it all off himself if "something wasn't done".
So, I started taking hair and nail
However, if you run into me...and notice that I am covered in hair, just keep it to yourself. Trust me, I get it. :)
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Flu...
Do I really need to say more? Probably not, but I will...
So, we finally got to take that "family vacation" we have been longing for. Unfortunately, it was entirely forced. One by one...like domino's...we fell.
First, Cole started off with what appeared to be a sinus infection, mild fever and extreme whininess. Katie came home the next day from school and went straight to bed, sick as a dog. Starting Monday morning, I placed over 90 calls (NO, I am not even kidding) to the pediatrician's office before I got to speak to a live human being and was able to get an appointment for Wednesday.
The doctor didn't even test them, pronounced that they didn't have the flu, but a "flu-like" virus. OH, ok....good. She suggested I give them thera-flu. Have you ever tasted that stuff? In comparison, Nyquil tastes like water. I think what theraflu has going for it...is that it burns all of the germs out of your insides. Much like...say....vodka or crown royal would. VILE VILE stuff.
That same day, Kayla comes home and goes straight to bed. It must be pretty fun in high school, because even though she was told NOT to go to school, she got up anyway and got on the bus before any of the rest of us were up. The school called at 7:53 to please for the love of God and all that is Holy...come get her, from the quarantined area in which she was placed. We were given a stern note from the nurse that suggested (in a not so nice tone) that our dumb@sses might need to take her to the doctor and to NOT bring her back anytime soon.
Meanwhile, what started out as a mild backache, joint achiness, soreness in both Lloyd and I on that Monday had progressed to all-out...we feel like HELL. Throats burning, congestion, coughing, fever...Although we tried, it was hard to be nice to each other, under the circumstances.
We could not get Kayla into the clinic on Thursday, and on Friday, the dr. on call tested her. Lloyd said he broke out into a cold sweat when the she came back into the room wearing a SARS mask and gloves that went up to her elbows and proclaimed that Kayla did have swine flu AND...due to all of the symptoms that we all had...we all had it too. YAY. We're statistics.
Of course, as the rest of us are progressively getting worse, Cole has rebounded, and was steadily kicking our butts. You know you are sick when you are laying on the couch with a kleenex wadded up into each of your nostrils and your child is hitting you repeatedly on the head with mallet from his Whack-A-Mole game, and you just don't even care or try to take it away from him. We watched the movie Wild Hogs approximately 75 times that week. Yeah, I know...not exactly appropriate for a 3 year old, but give me a break. It kept him quiet, somewhat, and YOU try to take care of a rambunctious 3 year old when you have the swine flu. Let me know how that works out for ya.
Well meaning friends and family offered to bring us food...and leave it at the end of our driveway. HA. Like we would have even had the energy to schlep all the way out there to get it! We did good just going from the bed, to the couch and vice versa. Although we did end up getting the world's best smoked butt out of the deal, so it did help to take the sting out of being stuck at home with the flu!...Thanks M&M. :)
My poor husband, normally as hot natured as they come...wore his fleece winter jammies and three blankets 99% of the time. Meanwhile, I...normally very cold natured, and dressed for a fire and any given time...had taken to wearing pasties and the skimpiest of shorts. Ok...I didn't wear pasties, but I was sweating 85% of the time.
Finally, by Monday, a week later...we were all better. A WHOLE fun-filled, snot-ridden, phlegm-having, coughing, sneezing, aching, stuffy-nose, fever, cannot rest...sort of vacation.
On the plus side...we don't need to get the swine-flu shot. I am sure when they make it mandatory, we will be forced to get one anyway.
I hate to say it, but I have never seen anything quite as contagious as this, except maybe the chicken pox. I mean, I was literally bathing in germ-x every day, I had washed my hands so many times a day my cuticles had started to rip, and I STILL got it. My house had been lysoled, cloroxed, 409'd...and we ALL still got it.
I really hope that you all fare better than we did.
So, we finally got to take that "family vacation" we have been longing for. Unfortunately, it was entirely forced. One by one...like domino's...we fell.
First, Cole started off with what appeared to be a sinus infection, mild fever and extreme whininess. Katie came home the next day from school and went straight to bed, sick as a dog. Starting Monday morning, I placed over 90 calls (NO, I am not even kidding) to the pediatrician's office before I got to speak to a live human being and was able to get an appointment for Wednesday.
The doctor didn't even test them, pronounced that they didn't have the flu, but a "flu-like" virus. OH, ok....good. She suggested I give them thera-flu. Have you ever tasted that stuff? In comparison, Nyquil tastes like water. I think what theraflu has going for it...is that it burns all of the germs out of your insides. Much like...say....vodka or crown royal would. VILE VILE stuff.
That same day, Kayla comes home and goes straight to bed. It must be pretty fun in high school, because even though she was told NOT to go to school, she got up anyway and got on the bus before any of the rest of us were up. The school called at 7:53 to please for the love of God and all that is Holy...come get her, from the quarantined area in which she was placed. We were given a stern note from the nurse that suggested (in a not so nice tone) that our dumb@sses might need to take her to the doctor and to NOT bring her back anytime soon.
Meanwhile, what started out as a mild backache, joint achiness, soreness in both Lloyd and I on that Monday had progressed to all-out...we feel like HELL. Throats burning, congestion, coughing, fever...Although we tried, it was hard to be nice to each other, under the circumstances.
We could not get Kayla into the clinic on Thursday, and on Friday, the dr. on call tested her. Lloyd said he broke out into a cold sweat when the she came back into the room wearing a SARS mask and gloves that went up to her elbows and proclaimed that Kayla did have swine flu AND...due to all of the symptoms that we all had...we all had it too. YAY. We're statistics.
Of course, as the rest of us are progressively getting worse, Cole has rebounded, and was steadily kicking our butts. You know you are sick when you are laying on the couch with a kleenex wadded up into each of your nostrils and your child is hitting you repeatedly on the head with mallet from his Whack-A-Mole game, and you just don't even care or try to take it away from him. We watched the movie Wild Hogs approximately 75 times that week. Yeah, I know...not exactly appropriate for a 3 year old, but give me a break. It kept him quiet, somewhat, and YOU try to take care of a rambunctious 3 year old when you have the swine flu. Let me know how that works out for ya.
Well meaning friends and family offered to bring us food...and leave it at the end of our driveway. HA. Like we would have even had the energy to schlep all the way out there to get it! We did good just going from the bed, to the couch and vice versa. Although we did end up getting the world's best smoked butt out of the deal, so it did help to take the sting out of being stuck at home with the flu!...Thanks M&M. :)
My poor husband, normally as hot natured as they come...wore his fleece winter jammies and three blankets 99% of the time. Meanwhile, I...normally very cold natured, and dressed for a fire and any given time...had taken to wearing pasties and the skimpiest of shorts. Ok...I didn't wear pasties, but I was sweating 85% of the time.
Finally, by Monday, a week later...we were all better. A WHOLE fun-filled, snot-ridden, phlegm-having, coughing, sneezing, aching, stuffy-nose, fever, cannot rest...sort of vacation.
On the plus side...we don't need to get the swine-flu shot. I am sure when they make it mandatory, we will be forced to get one anyway.
I hate to say it, but I have never seen anything quite as contagious as this, except maybe the chicken pox. I mean, I was literally bathing in germ-x every day, I had washed my hands so many times a day my cuticles had started to rip, and I STILL got it. My house had been lysoled, cloroxed, 409'd...and we ALL still got it.
I really hope that you all fare better than we did.
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