So...last week was a pretty craptastic week, to say the least. It was one of those weeks when everything you touch falls apart, everything you say comes out wrong, or you trip on smooth carpeting in front of 10 of your co-workers, and you walk out of the public bathroom with a very long piece of toilet paper hanging off of your shoe. That kind of week.
So, on one of those days, I came home, tired...the house is a wreck. There is nothing to eat. My youngest child is whiny, and will remain so until I feed him. My oldest child needs a ride somewhere, which will not be conducive to getting the youngest to quit whining. I just wanted to go and lay in a nice relaxing calgon bath. Instead...
I take Kayla where she needs to go, which is not anywhere near the house, come back, feed Cole, clean up the mess that my wonderful husband and equally wonderful daughter left for me in the kitchen, despite the fact that neither of them had ANYTHING to do all afternoon. But, I digress..
After I get the kitchen cleaned, I tackled all of the messes in the living room, again...that I did not make. Crushed up sunchips all over my end tables, some gooey substance stuck to my coffee table, 2 empty Capri Sun's stuffed in between my couch cushions, and about 15 other things that looked questionable. I then decided to vacuum the majority of the house as I noticed that my socks looked a little "hairy". I am sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that I was dog sitting my dad's 100lb Chocolate Shedding Lab. Good thing I love him too. I had two loads of clothes to fold that had been thrown on the treadmill, I don't guess either of the above mentioned wonderful people knew about that either.
Finally, around 12, past the point of exhausted, I was ready to go to bed. Jammies are on, my face has been washed...I just needed to use the little girls room, and I was done for the day. Halleluah.
So, there I am...sitting on the potty (as it we call it for the benefit of our 3 year old), contemplating the crappious day, I quickly finish my business...look down...and OH HOLY HELL WHAT IS THAT???
I jump up, start screaming!!!.... I tried to run away, but in my haste, I had forgotten to pull up my pajama bottoms and I toppled over, splatting my face onto the floor with my bare butt sticking straight up in the air. Undeterred, I army crawled onto the carpeting pulling my bottoms up simultaneously.
Now that I was properly dressed, and slightly hyperventilating...I decided to go back and give it a closer inspection...this is what I saw on the INSIDE of the bowl, just underneath the rim when I looked down:
Yeah...that's right! That was not even "2" inches underneath my dangling butt. I guess that it had been hanging on the rim as I never saw it when I sat down, and crawled onto the bowl while I was seated. So, I did the only thing I could think to do.
I grabbed my camera. lol...
After taking several shots, I then got the camera phone and snapped a few more to send to my husband. You see, he was on duty...and despite the fact that he was working, I wanted him to share in my misery. That's what married couples do.
So, on one of those days, I came home, tired...the house is a wreck. There is nothing to eat. My youngest child is whiny, and will remain so until I feed him. My oldest child needs a ride somewhere, which will not be conducive to getting the youngest to quit whining. I just wanted to go and lay in a nice relaxing calgon bath. Instead...
I take Kayla where she needs to go, which is not anywhere near the house, come back, feed Cole, clean up the mess that my wonderful husband and equally wonderful daughter left for me in the kitchen, despite the fact that neither of them had ANYTHING to do all afternoon. But, I digress..
After I get the kitchen cleaned, I tackled all of the messes in the living room, again...that I did not make. Crushed up sunchips all over my end tables, some gooey substance stuck to my coffee table, 2 empty Capri Sun's stuffed in between my couch cushions, and about 15 other things that looked questionable. I then decided to vacuum the majority of the house as I noticed that my socks looked a little "hairy". I am sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that I was dog sitting my dad's 100lb Chocolate Shedding Lab. Good thing I love him too. I had two loads of clothes to fold that had been thrown on the treadmill, I don't guess either of the above mentioned wonderful people knew about that either.
Finally, around 12, past the point of exhausted, I was ready to go to bed. Jammies are on, my face has been washed...I just needed to use the little girls room, and I was done for the day. Halleluah.
So, there I am...sitting on the potty (as it we call it for the benefit of our 3 year old), contemplating the crappious day, I quickly finish my business...look down...and OH HOLY HELL WHAT IS THAT???
I jump up, start screaming!!!.... I tried to run away, but in my haste, I had forgotten to pull up my pajama bottoms and I toppled over, splatting my face onto the floor with my bare butt sticking straight up in the air. Undeterred, I army crawled onto the carpeting pulling my bottoms up simultaneously.
Now that I was properly dressed, and slightly hyperventilating...I decided to go back and give it a closer inspection...this is what I saw on the INSIDE of the bowl, just underneath the rim when I looked down:
Yeah...that's right! That was not even "2" inches underneath my dangling butt. I guess that it had been hanging on the rim as I never saw it when I sat down, and crawled onto the bowl while I was seated. So, I did the only thing I could think to do.
I grabbed my camera. lol...
After taking several shots, I then got the camera phone and snapped a few more to send to my husband. You see, he was on duty...and despite the fact that he was working, I wanted him to share in my misery. That's what married couples do.
(Do you agree to have and hold this person, sharing in their misery until such time that you both shall part? Yes I do.)
Not to mention, I was trying to prove yet another point that he needed to *DO SOMETHING* about the dayum spiders in this house!!!
After he recieved the text, he immediately called and asked what I was going to do about it. Ummm...what do you mean, what am *I* going to do about it? Killing bugs is YOUR job.
He asked if I wanted him to come home and kill it. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he really didn't want to...because he is a REAL titty baby when it comes to spiders, so I already knew that he was going to be worthless in this situation. In truth, he was laughing about the fact that I was seriously freaking out. I had the worst case of willies I have had in a really long time.
I forced him into listening to my mini-rant for several minutes, all the while he continued laughing. I mean, what IF that thing had jumped on my butt? Worse...what if it had jumped on my cooter? Huh!!?? THEN WHAT??
(hmm...I don't seem to be garnering the sympathy I was looking for here...I need to switch tactics.)
Lloyd...what if it was YOU sitting on the toilet and that spider had jumped on your man parts? Hmmm? How do you think YOU would feel to look down and see the 2nd largest wolf spider ever...hanging upside down off of your balls? What THEN?? Do you think you would still be laughing?
(a long pause...)
Him:...that's just not even funny. You shouldn't stay stuff like that. In fact, we need to quit talking about this altogether. I can't believe you said that. You know how I feel about my man-parts.
My work here is done.
For what it's worth...I wasn't able to just flush the toilet and have the spider go down. I had to stick a toilet brush in there and shove it down as I flushed. 8 times.
Now, if I could just kill Wolfie, the spider so large (that he had to be named) that currently lives in our garage , I would feel a whole lot better. In fact, I will probably let him live...as long as he stays out of my toilet.
After he recieved the text, he immediately called and asked what I was going to do about it. Ummm...what do you mean, what am *I* going to do about it? Killing bugs is YOUR job.
He asked if I wanted him to come home and kill it. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he really didn't want to...because he is a REAL titty baby when it comes to spiders, so I already knew that he was going to be worthless in this situation. In truth, he was laughing about the fact that I was seriously freaking out. I had the worst case of willies I have had in a really long time.
I forced him into listening to my mini-rant for several minutes, all the while he continued laughing. I mean, what IF that thing had jumped on my butt? Worse...what if it had jumped on my cooter? Huh!!?? THEN WHAT??
(hmm...I don't seem to be garnering the sympathy I was looking for here...I need to switch tactics.)
Lloyd...what if it was YOU sitting on the toilet and that spider had jumped on your man parts? Hmmm? How do you think YOU would feel to look down and see the 2nd largest wolf spider ever...hanging upside down off of your balls? What THEN?? Do you think you would still be laughing?
(a long pause...)
Him:...that's just not even funny. You shouldn't stay stuff like that. In fact, we need to quit talking about this altogether. I can't believe you said that. You know how I feel about my man-parts.
My work here is done.
For what it's worth...I wasn't able to just flush the toilet and have the spider go down. I had to stick a toilet brush in there and shove it down as I flushed. 8 times.
Now, if I could just kill Wolfie, the spider so large (that he had to be named) that currently lives in our garage , I would feel a whole lot better. In fact, I will probably let him live...as long as he stays out of my toilet.
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