What's that smell?

Cue the Lynyrd Skynyrd song..."oooohh...what's that smell?"

Tonight's topic: I smell bad.

No..no...I really do. I bought some new lotion from the Body Shop. You know, I often wonder...what the hell was I thinking? I don't know what it is about the Body Shop, but I can drop some serious cash in there, and never use one single thing I purchase. Here's the reason: they lure you in with these wonderful smells; it's just so intoxicating. So, the friendly goth helper person talked me into making my own lotion. UM...no, I just want some of the stuff that already smells good. You know...pre-made. "oh, you will be so much happier with your own concoction".

DERRR..ok.

So...I mixed together a few things...earthy things. I remember there being some cedar in there, maybe some saffron (I really have no idea what that even is...it just sounded cool), and some other things that the helper person said would be "interesting". I really should pay better attention...I don't want to be "interesting"...I want to blend, fly under the radar. Not smell like an armpit. That being said, the concoction smelled good while I was still in the store....so I left happily with my purchase.

However, something must change in the chemistry as soon as you walk out the door. You know how chili takes a few days to develop it's TRUE flavor? Apparently the crap that I mixed up from the body shop was much like that.

It's smells like an earthy...dirty...stinky

butt. hole.

I went to bed wearing the lotion on my hands and arms and within minutes Mr. DamYankee was asking me if I had farted. Uh...no. I am wearing a new lotion. Do you like it? He started to laugh and asked if I had really paid for a lotion that smelled farty.

Not intentionally.

Another 10 minutes went by and he was begging me to PLEASE go wash it off, as there was no way he was going to fall asleep with that putrid smell next to him. It would seem that the smell grew stronger, and more like pig poo on a hot sunny day...as my hands and arms warmed up. If you have never visited a pig farm, then you really have no idea of the level of stench I am talking about. TRUST me...it's hideous. I think the only thing that would be worse might be a chicken coop...with dead chickens inside of it.

Now, to be fair...this is NOT the first time I have come to bed with something smelly on my person. I have a deep conditioner that smells like a cross between an ashtray and rotten eggs. He really loves that. And I have been known to slather a pound or two of vicks vapo rub on myself when I have had severe colds. He claims that it makes his eyes water and nose run all night, but I am sleeping like a baby when all that happens, so I can't really confirm that. I would say however, that the scented pig poo moisture body whip...was much much worse than anything else I have donned at night. Sadly, although my hands smelled ridiculously bad, they were so soft and smooth. I really hated to get rid of it, but momma always said, you can't go through life smelling like pig crap. People just won't understand.

ok...you got me...she never said that, but had she smelled it...she might've. :)

So...$25 dollars down the drain and another lesson learned. C'est la vie.