A funny thing happened...

One weekend, in the recent past, we helped our favorite neighbors put up a new fence. Fortunately for me and Mrs. Favorite Neighbor (Mitzi), we are just the grunts and do as we are told. Chief Engineer for this project, Mr. DamYankee, was the one with the muscle and would be doing the bulk of the work.

Prior to starting on the fence building we needed to rent a two person auger. Now, the last time that an auger was used, for a different section of fence, it was Mr. DamYankee, and Mr. Favorite Neighbor at the helm. This time, it would be Mr. DamYankee, Mitzi and myself.

I won't lie...I was a little nervous that we wouldn't be able to handle it since weighed more than a large bull (with horns).

That being said, we trotted off to a rental place in a neighboring town to obtain the beast. Mr. DamYankee told us to wait in the truck while he took care of business.

Um...riiiight. There is no way I am going to a place like that, with tons of cool stuff to look at and wait in the truck. Sorry...don't see that happening. Fortunately, Mitzi and her inner 5 year old felt the same way, so we hopped out. Just because we are grunts, does not mean we will always do as we are told.

Inside the place was a myriad of interesting things to look at, most of which I would never be able to name or describe. However, there was a party section amidst all of the machinery and tools. In this festivity section were a large selection of crystal and silver, wedding columns, fake looking funeral flowers (or wedding, depending on context...I suppose), candelabra's...you name it...it was there.


So...she and I busied ourselves touching everything and commenting on some of the gaudiness, when in the middle of our snarkiness...I stepped on something. (karma much?)

Something mushy. Something mushy...that stunk REAL REAL bad. At first I thought maybe it was a dead mouse or something. I have stepped on one of those before, barefooted, and it did have a similar "give".

Looking down...Oh no, Hell No...I just stepped on a dog turd...in the middle of a store... on berber carpeting no less. *crap*



And upon further inspection, this was no wayward turd...there were piles EVERYWHERE. You know...in hindsight, I realize it was my fault for not looking down and watching where I was walking. But in all honesty...in the 40 years that I have been here on this Earth, I have never stepped on anything even remotely like that in the middle of a business establishment. It just hasn't happened.

So...not knowing entirely what to do...I mean, this wasn't something that you could just flick off...as it was ALL UP IN the grooves of my tennis shoes, I solicited Mitzi for some advice.

After I explained my predicament, and trying to do our best to stifle our hysterical laughter, we decided to sneak outside and find a grassy knoll in which to attempt to remove said poo from my 993's.

So...there we are, me walking on the side of my foot, nonchalantly trying to exit the store without drawing attention to the problem, while nearly peeing myself from contained laughter. Across the way, we found a little grassy area, a small stick and I went to work...laughing even harder. I know that if I don't get it off, I will have to get into Mr. DamYankee's truck with crappy feet and he won't be happy. Not to mention the smell when he turns the heat on.

I managed to get a bunch of it off, and at that time he waved us over telling us it was time to go. We are still hysterically laughing at the absurdity of the situation when he asks..."what is the matter with the two of you?". We told him...and he asked us if we went back in to tell them about what happened.

UM...no. No we did not.

I mean...obviously judging by the number of piles over in the wedding section...SOMEONE in there is very aware that there is a dog that prefers to poop on carpeting over going outside. It wasn't like some random dog just wandered in from the outside and used the wedding section for its own personal toilet (multiple times), you know?

So...the question is...would YOU have gone back in and said something?