Lil' Bit...Future Gator Snack..

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Family members of ours...Jay & Sara have a mangy little rat terrier named Lil' Bit. Now, before I get any hate emails, let me preface the forthcoming ugliness, and state that I love animals. Most animals anyway. I am not all that fond of birds, but that is a whole 'nother blog.

I have nearly driven off the road to avoid running over a dog, cat or even a rodent-like squirrel that inadvertently dashed in front of my car. Despite my best efforts, I have accidentally run over a couple of animals, and felt TERRIBLE afterwards. So, let's keep that in mind when you read the following below. K?

Jay & Sara adopted Lil' Bit a couple of years ago. I don't recall all the whys and wherefore's of how they obtained her, but I believe she was about 2 years old at the time, making her about 4 now. Immediately, she took to Sara and simply tolerates the rest of the family members in their house.

From day one..this dog has hated me. All dogs LOVE me, except this one. This little ankle biter even hates my husband Lloyd and he is the veritable pied piper of animals. Even the mangiest of cats, will curl up in his lap and purr like a newborn kitten. Then there is Lil' Bit. The underbite havin', non-stop barking, pees when you look at her, separation-anxiety ridden, Prozac needing rat terrier.

Last summer, we were all out at the lake house and she barked for three solid hours. Whole time. No breaks. I prayed to the Gods of Barking Dogs that she would go hoarse. But nooo. Never happened.

You see, Sara was out on the boat for the afternoon and Lil' Bit absolutely couldn't handle it. Unfortunately, I was stuck at the house and despite all the vile threats I uttered to her, she never shut up for even a second. I finally raided some aspirin and Advil bottles for their cotton balls and marginally soundproofed myself against her tirade. I briefly considered giving her some Benedryl (and a maybe a little Bud Light chaser) knowing that would probably shut her up for awhile, but I worried about it shutting her up a little too permanently. Truth is, I just didn't see how I could get away with it without getting caught. Not good to have both motive and no alibi.

Another time, *early* one morning, she had been let out on the back porch and barked for an entire hour to come back in. Personally, I think Jay & Sara must be deaf to it as they didn't let her back in. WE heard her loud and clear, though. Finally, I jumped out of bed and started hollering I was going to kill that little turd if she didn't shut up! lol...They heard that.

Sara: "Hurry Jay, I think she's going to kill Lil' Bit!".

Nah...I wasn't going to kill her. I was just going to "help" her inside to their bedroom, but he beat me to her.

Now, I wasn't going to blog about her. While she has been a bit of a barker, I get that she has emotional doggy problems, and she can't help it. However, that changed this week...she became fair game...when she bit me in the butt.

Jay is back for two weeks from Afghanistan and he and his family spent the week out at the lake house. We went to visit them one evening, and immediately Lil' Bit started growling and snarling at me and Lloyd. Hmm...seems she hasn't forgotten us.

We all decided to take a leisurely boat ride, the sun was just setting and it was absolutely gorgeous. I wasn't on board for even a minute before that little wench jumped up and bit my butt! I am not sure what hurt more...my butt or my pride at being sneak-attacked and bitten...UNPROVOKED. Neither felt very good, and I started thinking some very bad thoughts about what I might do to their little dog. Sara must have sensed my murderous thoughts and scooped Lil' Bit up before I could act on them.

Shortly after we took off, we spotted our first alligator. I cut my eyes towards Lil' Bit, still being protectively held by Sara, and mind-vibed her in my best Italian mob voice: Do it again you little heifer and you will be swimming with the fishes. Big ones.

Maybe 45 minutes later, she bit Lloyd in the ankle. lol...glad it's not just me.

He very calmly asked Jay if Lil' Bit could swim. Sara scooped the little she-devil back up again before he could give more serious discussion to tossing her overboard.

Aside from Lil' Bit's "issues", we really did have a very nice time, and I took some of the best pictures I have ever taken.

Just after dark, we made our way back to the dock, and began the walk back up the hill to the house. I guess she felt safe, being off the water...no gators in sight, because she jumped up in front of me and bit the inside of my thigh! This one hurt a whole lot worse than my butt...and I yelled out. Holy Crap, she just bit me again!! DAYUM!!

It's a good thing for her sake that we weren't still on the boat. I make no guarantees or promises that she wouldn't have suffered an unfortunate "accident", and been swept overboard into the waiting jaws of the nearest alligator. A Gator Snack. :)

OK...I may have thought it, but I won't actually do it. For whatever reason, Sara loves this ugly@ss dog, and Jay is only home for a few weeks. I would imagine it would put a damper in things if I fed their dog to an alligator while he is on leave.

For what it's worth, I tend to think about doing a whole lot of things, but almost never do them. Unfortunately, if anything ever does happen to their little dog, I am sure they will be pointing a finger or two my way.

muwahahaha.