Waterpark...O How I Love Thee...

Let me count the ways...

It's that time of year again...WATER PARK season! I wish I could describe to you how much I love going to Geyser Falls. From the moment we start to get close, I am suddenly 10 years old again, bouncing in my seat with anticipation. Wait for it...wait for it...THERE IT IS THERE IT IS!!!

So, why do I love the water park so much? well...for one...there are no live 'gators or snakes trying to bite me on my nearly bare butt that dangles through an inner tube as I float down the lazy river. Always a plus.

I also love laying in the lagoon, looking at the faux imported sand, real palm trees and in my fantasy I imagine myself swimming up to the tiki bar ordering a Coco-Loco, served by an Adonis looking, heavily accented man named Paolo. My fantasy comes to an abrupt halt when I hear my young son shrieking because he has dropped his dippin' dots into the lagoon two seconds after my poor husband has walked nearly a mile over the 1,000 degree concrete, flesh peeling from the bottoms of his feet to get them. But for a minute, I had channeled myself to a Greek Island somewhere... *sigh*

One of the best parts about going to the water park...is that in comparison to some, I look like a supermodel. No kidding. I know...HARD to believe, but oh so true.

The first few times I went, I was so self-conscious, I wouldn't take off the shirt or shorts I had worn over my suit. It sucks when all that stretchy cotton gets wet because the shirt that used to hang at your waist has become as long as a Pentecostal skirt. The shorts...about two inches longer than that. If I ever had an accident at the park, they would be able to determine where I had been previously, with a fair amount of precision, due to the wet drag marks my clothes left in my wake.

However, I got over the self-consciousness when I started to really look around. Holy crap...some people have NO modesty.

Men wearing Euro-speedos...banana hammocks, really. Funny how you never see a good looking guy wearing one, it's always the ones that have the huge beer gut that overhangs the banana, forcing the back end of the suit to become a thong. I have a theory that men don't really lose their hair, it just becomes displaced...to their butt. (pardon me while I vurp). <== vomit+burp=vurp. Now you know.

Last summer, we were hanging out by the dippin' dots stand, when we saw a very large woman wearing a bikini. Well...you couldn't actually see the bottom to her suit, but I feel certain she had to be wearing something! That's what I am going with, anyway. It wasn't even the bikini that she was wearing and the fact that a couple hundred pounds of fat were covering it up that got our attention. It was the sight of her monstrously overgrown bush...that went half-way down her thighs. I was just scanning the crowd, and briefly glanced at her...

DOUBLE TAKE...what the hell was that? My mind couldn't compute.

Wait...OH....MY...GOSH...that's not part of her suit! ok..full on stare now. Train wreck. Must.look.away. CAN'T!

Honestly, I felt bad for her...the only way she was going to be able to trim that up was if she had a weed whacker. It was that bad. Just then, my dad and brother noticed. Both did the double take, and Dave said..."DAAAAYYYUUUMMM".... kinda loud. My dad said, "GoodGodA'Mighty"!

We pretty much ran from the dippin' dots area, and sent Lloyd back to get them after that! haha...

For what it's worth, I have no issues with people being too thin, or large, or anywhere in between. We are all made of many shapes and sizes. But for the love of God and all that is Holy...you have GOT to shave the cha-cha if you are going to the water park. It should be one of the rules posted on the sign as you are walking in:

1) No bottles or open containers
2) No outside food
3) Children under 12 must be accompanied by an adult
4) No peeing in the pool areas
5) Kindly shave your CHA-CHA so that it stays within the bounds of your swim suit.

Regards,
Management


All that aside, I do love Geyser Falls. The kids have a great time, and a bonus is that they are too exhausted to fight with each other on the way home. Lloyd and I spend at least several relaxing hours riding the lazy river forgetting about all of life's stresses. If I had the $, I would *so* put one in my backyard. Tacky maybe, but I bet at least a couple of our favorite neighbors would enjoy it too!

Happy 4th of July everyone!

AND a special shout-out to Meg & David...17 years! Happy Anniversary, I hope you both have a great one. :)