Dear Jehovah's Witnesses:
I want to tell you how much I enjoy our visits together every other Saturday around 9AM. You certainly are early risers. If somehow you could call first and let me know you were coming, I might be able to answer the door wearing a bra. I feel certain that the discomfort that both you and I feel, as I try to hide the fact that I am allowing the girls to hang free for a few hours a week, could be avoided.
I know I must be a sight to look at and have caught you trying to avert your eyes from my red and black leopard print jammie bottoms, lavender colored fuzzy house flops, and Swiss cheese-like Grateful Dead t-shirt that probably should have been thrown away 10 years ago. I also wish that I had not chosen those particular moments to deep condition my hair, as it is hard to hear you spread the word of God through the plastic bag on my head.
Usually, when I deep condition my hair, I also apply a mask to my face, which would explain why I look like Mrs. Hulk. Again, a phone call would save both of us a lot of embarrassment.
I do want to apologize for my dogs, Rufus and Rorie. Normally they are very nice dogs, and don't go around viciously chasing people in our front yard. However, you did ring the front door bell...9 times, and I think that may have agitated them. Along with copies of the Watchtower, maybe bringing them a biscuit or two would go a long way towards making friends.
Sincerely,
Damyankee
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