After Lloyd made his automotive diagnosis...I optimistically showed up at the place I bought the tires. The guy at the desk, was in his early 20's and had a large brass fitting through a hole in his ear, and a bar pierced through his tongue. I am not judging, just giving you a description.
[not the same guy, but this is what the Tire guys ear looked like]
He was talking to me, but I haven't seen a tongue bar in a long time and I was fascinated and found it hard to pay attention to what he said with it clicking against his teeth.
[Tongue thing]
I told him that I needed my tires rotated and that I suspected that I had a hole in the right front side tire. Mr. Tongue Bar asked me a few questions that I knew the answer to, and I started feeling pretty confident that I wasn't going to screw this up. He then asked me if my tires had a wheel lock. (cue the grasshoppers)...blink blink...blink. A what? A wheel lock.
Sometimes it is better just to go ahead and tell people how ignorant you are and get it out of the way. I informed him that my automotive knowledge consisted of being able to put gas in my car, and drive it around. I have changed a tire once, but I had to google how to do it, and it took me two hours. I have never successfully opened the hood of my car, but I do know that the engine, oil stuff and windshield wiper fluid are in there...somewhere. Thus endeth my automotive knowledge.
This time...it was his turn to blink. He said never mind about the wheelock. Sounds good to me. And then told me it would be about 30 minutes. Since it was only 8:15, I felt confident that I would make it to work by 9. HA!
I selected a semi-clean chair in the waiting room, one that would give me a good view of the other tire patrons. There was one professional looking lady in there, dressed in a power suit (I caught her later flossing her teeth), a guy wearing a satellite company uniform, and another lady that was wearing a housecoat and house slippers. The only thing missing were the curlers.
[housecoat]
Around 9...and my car still not having been brought in, but most everyone standing around in the shop, I started eyeballing the "complimentary" coffee. Beggars can't be choosers, you know? I pumped the canister a few times and filled my cup, added some creamer, and it was *then* that I noticed...there's no sugar. No pink packets, no blue packets, no yellow packets, no nothing sugary. *sigh*. Well, I have already poured it, I might as well try to drink it.
This stuff was so vile, that I could hardly choke it down. Ms. Professional must have been watching me because she saw the face I made and actually cracked a smile. Yeah, I know...shoulda checked first.
Ms. Housecoat was pacing, her feet scuffing against the floor. My sister-in-law, Margaret, knows how I feel about this...and again, I am not judging...but how lazy do you have to be to leave your home wearing a housecoat and house slippers? How does that work? I know they are comfortable and all, but...dayum. She was there putting a new set of tires on her Yukon, so it wasn't like she was too poor to afford other clothes. Maybe she just got up late or something.
[house slippers]
So, I noticed her drinking some coffee...and asked her how hers tasted. She told me it was much better when she found some sugar to put in it. She didn't know it yet, but Ms. Housecoat was about to be my new best friend. I asked her where she found the sugar...(hoping she hadn't found some at the bottom of her purse). She said they had a huge thing of it in the shop by the coffeemaker back there. Hmmm....well, if you happen to go back there and check your tires, (wink wink), I noticed that your purse is much bigger than mine. I am sure they won't even notice. She laughed, and acted like she couldn't do something like that (for about three seconds).
It wasn't a minute later and she was back with the swiped sugar, pulling it out of her suitcase sized purse. She said that she got to thinking about it, and that sugar should be for the customers. (lol...that's riiiight). I told her thank you!thank you!, that she had just saved my morning. Is it bad to manipulate people into doing your dirty deeds? I think not.
With my coffee doctored, I started checking out Mr. Satellite guy. I thought maybe he was looking for some sugar too, as he was rifling through the cabinets below the tv, and below the coffee stuff. There was nothing there (I knew this due to my earlier pilfering). He walked out for a few minutes and the next thing I know, he was back with a remote in his hand, re-programming the tv. We all took notice then...as every channel had been blocked but the one the Today show comes on. Did you just go get that remote out of your truck? He said yeah...he couldn't stand Matt Lauer. lol...
So, he resets the receiver, types all these codes in, (all the while looking back at the counter to make sure no one is looking), and lo' and behold...the tire shop now had every channel known to man. I asked him if he had any extras of those, as I wanted to be able to change the channel when I went to the dentist. He just smiled and said that I had to know the codes. Be happy to provide pen and paper too. Just say the word.
Turns out...he did all that, just so he could watch Celebrity Jury. He said he just loved this show and hated to miss it. Apparently, if he happens to be somewhere in public and they have blocked all of the channels on their receiver and he is missing a show, he will just reprogram their TV. Says that he does it several times a day. That's just awesome.
Anyway, I don't ever watch daytime TV; I can see now that I am not missing much. Celebrity Jury is without a doubt, one of the DUMBEST shows I have ever seen. JJ Walker (dynooooomiiiite) was on there, and that little person Verne guy, and maybe Charro (coochiecoochiecoochie). DUMB. I lost IQ points that hour, I just know it. But it was a train wreck, and I couldn't help myself.
Finally, I picked up on the fact that if you went and stood up at near the desk staring at the counter guys...your car got worked on faster. It was my turn to pace and stare. Twenty minutes of pacing and staring...and a little glaring (just for good measure), and nearly 2 hours after he told me it would be ready, he said my car was done. I didn't owe anything, no idea why, so I went to leave. Some jerk had parked a rental car in NOT A PARKING SPOT, therefore blocking me in. No way to get around it, unless I wanted to back up 3,000 feet down a narrow strip of asphalt with a large drop off to one side and a metal building on the other.
I walked back inside to talk to the guy with the metal bone in his mouth, and waited. And waited. He refused to acknowledge that I was standing there. Eventually, and maybe it was because I had a sudden PHLEGM problem, he asked if he could help me. I pointed to the car blocking me in and he actually whined. "Roooogeerr, could you please move the Heeeertz caaar". He then tells me that I could just back around the building, if I wanted to. I asked him if he had recalled the conversation that we had when I came in? "You don't know much about a car", he said. That would be correct. I also suck at backing up, too. I drive forward pretty well; backwards...not so much.
The car gets moved, I say goodbye to my new friends, and make it to work...only 2.5 hours late. At least I got to people watch.
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