I was watching this special recently on the Duggar Family from Arkansas. I believe they are now up to 18 kids. That's just insane. I give them a lot of credit (in a totally "they're not quite right" sort of way), they seem to be able to keep it together pretty well. The kids all seem well mannered, fairly well adjusted, but how in the world do those parents cope?
Naturally, I am comparing their situation to ours. We have a measly three children…and there are some days that all I want to do is go and hide out in the bathroom and pretend that I have a severe intestinal illness; it seems to the only thing that actually keeps them from coming in, as at least 2 of them are quite adept at lock picking. And the third…well, his crying alone could raise the dead, so I don't dare spend more than a minute or so in there, regardless of whatever business I need to attend to. He really really really really loves his momma.
Today, I attempted to get myself and all three kids ready for church. This is not the same as getting them ready to go to Wal-hell or something…we had to actually look presentable. I got up early (as I always do because the baby wakes LONG before roosters even think about getting up). I roused the other two, they took showers, got dressed, all were fed. I felt pretty good overall about the situation, as we were ahead of schedule. I then went to get myself ready. I had even ironed some pants the night before. For those of you that REALLY know me…know that I don't iron. I will scrub the nastiest, filthiest…smelliest toilet…before I will iron. If the wrinkles don't come out in the dryer with a damp towel…well, that's what the dry cleaners are for.
All the while I was showering, I could hear the baby crying, and as a mom…it is unsettling to hear your child cry. The girls…God love them, have yet to really get the whole babysitting thing. Not to mention, my husband was sleeping (he had just gotten in from work at 6AM), so I was trying to be very quiet, and hurry. Our bedroom/bathroom situation has a lot to be desired. We have three bathrooms in the house, but my sink and dressing area…are visible in an alcove of the bedroom. My shower and toilet is in a separate room off of that. His bathroom is also in our bedroom, but is very small…and frankly…a biohazard, however it has a door. The girls have their own bathroom, which is quite large in another part of the house. Well, with him sleeping during the day, we have blackout curtains, much like a hotel has. You cannot see your hand in front of your face in the middle of the day if the drapes are pulled shut. So, I had my clothes laid out (from the night before), I began to get dressed. I can't turn the light on in my dressing area…as it would wake him up. So, I was using the light from my bathroom to try to do my makeup. Basically, that is like using a nightlight, which at my age…it's going to take a little bit more than a nightlight to properly spackle things on. I can see some of you asking…well, why don't you just get dressed in the girls bathroom?
Good question. I am not one of those "earthy" kinds of women, that just walks out the door with a little lip balm and calls it good. I have a great deal of products that actually go on my face and hair…to make it appear that I put very little effort into my overall look. It would take at least 2 trips just to get all of the necessary things from one bathroom to another, and all in all…I just didn't have that kind of time. So, I got dressed by nightlight…and could still hear the baby crying and yelling. I could also hear the girls fighting with each other, "no…it's YOUR turn to (something mumbled)", then a few "OWW'S" (someone was hitting someone), at least two, "I'm going to tell MOM", the baby cried louder, more arguing. My anxiety level was growing, and I was about to go out there and "break things down" for them. I finally get done (in under 30 minutes), and we are still ahead of schedule so I calmed down some. The baby was THRILLED to see me. If he could talk more than a few words, I am sure he would be chewing me out for leaving him with them. I go to pick him up and he managed to rub some sort of sticky colored goo all over my pants and the bottom of my shirt. My IRONED pants.
I wasn't about to do the "sniff test" to find out what it was, as it could have been any number of things, and most not too good. It's funny…with your first child, you are pretty much just a dumb@ss. Your child wipes something on you or themselves…and you actually smell it, to find out what it could be before you decide what you are going to do about it. By the third child, there's no sniffing, no CSI crime scene analysis going on. You just assume that it's nasty, and you go into full warp mode of removing the clothes, disinfecting, cloroxing, changing…whatever it's going to take. So, I changed him…located the gooey substance….swiffered, then went to go and change myself by nightlight. Bad move on my part. I came out wearing mismatched socks, one was light brown, one was dark, with light colored wrinkly pants, a purple top, and some black shoes. Lol…in the dark, it looked great together.
Now…we are running late. It was then that I thought about the Duggars. HOW HOW HOW…do they do it? How can they get 20 of them ready to go ANYWHERE? Granted, they probably have an organization level that rivals O'Hare International Traffic control, and each of the older kids is responsible for one of the younger kids (a "buddy, as they call them)…but still. It has to be chaos. They even named all their kids with "J" names. I very dumbly did something similar…Kayla, Katie, Cole…and I mix them up ALL the time, even with the dogs names which both begin with "R". Sometimes, I just have to resort to snapping my fingers at the nearest child…"Hey…you...the one with the blond hair, please go and let the dogs in".
So, I was telling my husband about all this when he got up this afternoon. He says that my attitude is bad. If I went into things with a positive attitude, then my anxiety wouldn't be so high, and maybe things would turn out better. He is such a glass half-full person. I, on the other hand…am a realist, with pessimistic tendencies. I always imagine the worst, and if anything happens better than that…that's just gravy. Maybe he is right; maybe I do have a bad attitude. Of course, that's pretty easy for him to say…as he was not the one covered in some biohazard-like goo, having to change his clothes in the dark after mopping the kitchen floor…now was he?
In the meantime…I still think the Duggar's are crazy. I always hear the wife say over and over, "children are a gift from God". And you know what…that's true. They are. But, I have to be honest with you, if I was as Fertile Myrtle as she is, there may be a night or two in there that I faked a headache. I'm just sayin'.
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