It's been warm this weekend, and my feet were dying to be free. Free from shoes, socks…basically any overall kind of restraint sans some flip-flops. Prior to moving down here, I hadn't even owned a pair of sandals. No sense in buying something you may only wear for 2 months out of the year. I had also never owned any foot care products sans a little polish and some clippers. Of course, I was only in my twenties then…and my feet still looked pretty good without an "intervention". The moment I turned 30, pretty much everything has gone to hell in a handbasket. My formerly smooth feet all of a sudden resembled the hide of an elephant butt.
Men can't possibly understand what it takes to get feet to be "sandal-ready". I'm not naming names, but it has been my experience that the only foot care that men engage in may be cutting their toenails. And only THEN…if their wife or girlfriend starts complaining about getting stabbed at night with their man's daggers. A woman, on the other hand…well, she has to have the "full on" pedicure. If you can afford it, and can find a good pedicurist, this is SURELY the way to go. However, a good one is hard to find, and very expensive when you do find her. I did have a good one once; sadly, she sold her business. I am a little scared of the Koreans in the grocery store plaza…they talk to each other the whole time in Korean (while not speaking a word to me), and it always sounds like they are pissed off. I am a little wary of pissed off sounding people with sharp tools. You know what I mean? Plus, I think they may be saying mean things about me because I can't understand what they are saying. Paranoid? Maybe. A little bit of the truth? PROBABLY.
So, I finally found an hour this weekend to do my pedicure. Like I said, men have no idea what this entails. First, the feet have to be soaked, cuticles cut or pushed back, nails trimmed, buffed and smoothed, heels and other dry spots scrubbed until all traces of dead skin are gone, feet moisturized, nails re-cleaned to remove moisturizer and finally you can start painting. If you have serious foot issues, corns or calluses, well…those require more work. A lot more work. If you have bunions…well, that requires medical intervention and no polish is going to be able to make those feet look any better. KATIE HOLMES…are you listening??
The painting part…is my downfall. First, I am bad at choosing colors. I have TONS of polish and pretty much every color looks like hell on me. And even if the color DOES look good on me, well…I guess I just don't get the whole "how to get the polish on just the nail" thing. The first coat always looks like some 5 year old unleashed with finger paint while on a "just ate too many cookies and had a few too many Koolaid's" sugar binge. So, then you have to get the remover out, and carefully take a cutip and remove the excess. In my case, maybe a cutip…AND some cottonballs. The art is to not drag the cotton through the wet paint…which I do pretty much every time. So, when things are all said and done, the color is on….it also looks like I have hairy toenails. I just pray that people aren't looking too close, and if they are…I just tell them I have a hormone problem. Invariably, someone will say…"oooh, I get that too!".
Haha...So, if I suck at it so bad…why go through all this hassle? Simple…in the south, that's just how it's done. If you wear flip flops or sandals, you have to do your feet. Period. Women are made fun of ALL the time by other women for having nasty feet, OR for committing a one of the largest of spring/summer social faux pas'…wearing sandals without polish on your nails. Now, you can go to the grocery store in your fuzzy house flip-flops, but by GOD…you better have slapped some polish on those feet.
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