I hate spiders...

Originally posted Feb 27, 2007...

Yesterday was our anniversary, and as it turned out…we had a great time. Before going out, I stepped into shower to get ready. I was completely soaped up when I noticed a medium sized spider in the shower with me, very near my feet.

[A medium sized spider in Mississippi]

Truth be told, I am terrified of spiders…well, 95% of all bugs in general, but especially spiders. I can thank my brother Dave for this, as he used to collect all sorts of bugs and stick them in my bed at night, up my nose, if he could pin me down long enough, or at the end of my sleeping bag when we went camping. I have lots of good memories of me and my brother as kids…however, those aren't among them.

My husband is our family's Chief Officer of Pest Services (COPS), and was nowhere to be found, despite the fact that I was yelling my head off. I am a little bit more willing to deal with bug killing and removal…when I am not naked, and/or I am wearing heavy shoes. As a general rule, I don't wear heavy shoes…or clothes for that matter in the shower, so I was screwed…any way that I looked at it.

I did however, have at least 10 separate bottles of shampoo's and conditioners at my disposal. Only 1 of those belongs to my husband, and we aren't going to get into the "why's and wherefore's" that I need 9 other bottles, except to say that "I do". So, I chose his bottle of shampoo in which to kill the spider, I didn't want nasty spider guts stuck on any of MY bottles. And seeing as he is our resident COPS, I figured he wouldn't mind, lol…or notice.

Maybe I have watched too many episodes of "Worlds Most Dangerous Arachnids" on Animal Planet; as far as I am concerned…any spider, is a bad spider. Especially those kinds that jump, which this one looked as though it might be. And due to the nekkidness, there was a lot of potential biteable real estate involved. So, I lean over to try to squash it....

Wouldn't you know that I picked up the ONE bottle that had a concave bottom? All I managed to do was trap the spider and possibly rip one of its legs off. It still had 7 others to come at me with, after I lifted the bottle very surprised to see it still alive and started screaming again like a little girl. It was then that I vacated the shower all together.

I formulated a new plan of action…I must drown it.

Huh. Did you know that spiders can swim? Again…500 hours of Animal Planet watching did not prepare me for that possibility. I really need to start paying better attention to these things.

So, the spider swam out of the whirlpool I had created and was again, on the side of the tub, minus a leg, and I would imagine…pissed off, and looking to bite someone; namely me.

I spied the monstrous bottle of Paul Mitchell conditioner sitting there (this thing is HEAVY)…and decided to try to club it to death.

After a couple of tries (crafty little thing) SUCCESS! I squashed it! So, I went to angle the shower nozzle so that it would go down the drain, only…we have one of the stupid drains with the teeny tiny holes. This spider was WAY too big to fit down in there, which again…I figured out after the fact, because I am a moron.

There was no way in hell I was getting back into the shower with the carcass floating around, so I had to stop the shower, wait for it to drain, wad up at LEAST ½ a roll of Charmin and scoop it up and throw it in the toilet. Meanwhile…the soap suds have now dried on me…and I am paranoid that where this is one spider…there might be more, so I was very hesitant to get back into the shower, but had no choice.

All I was looking for was a relaxing shower before we were to go out and celebrate. Could I get that? Oh, hell no. I hoped it wasn't an omen of how the night was going to go…and as it turned out, it wasn't. But I will say this…I sure inspected every square inch of that shower before I got in this morning, and probably will for a few weeks to come, or at least until I forget about this...and it happens again.